By Isabella Pumadi
Someone that knows me personally, knows that I am an open book and that I can tell anyone
about my life with no hesitation. However, there are some parts of me that I do not share with
anyone except for my family and it took a lot of courage for me to write about this on the blog.
The truth is, I have been struggling with mental health my entire life.
I was bullied from elementary school and it kept happening until the end of my sophomore year
in high school. Sometimes I ask my parents, “What is wrong with me?”
The parents told me that I was different than a lot of kids, that I was more of a hyper child. A
lot of people in my school got weirded out by it. It was at a point in my life where it affected me
as a person and made me feel that I have to please everyone in high school to survive.
When I got into college, things went a little better until my ex-boyfriend committed suicide in
I was saddened by it and it was a tough time for me. I felt lonely, friendless and I had no one in
my life that loved me. Being away from my family makes it super tough because the only
support system in my life was not there with me.
Then, I started hanging out with the wrong people and it affected my life. My academic
performance declined, Building genuine relationships with people I cared about declined as well
as because I was too busy making those wrong people happy. It also affected my relationship
with my partner as he decided to end our relationship during the pandemic.
At that time, I felt like I was never loved and that I screwed up every good thing that came at
me. It was at a point where I wanted to commit suicide. I had a suicide note prepared to be
given to my parents.
I decided to give my parents the letter. They started crying and they begged me to not go
through with it. It made me sad to see my parents cry, so I decided to not go through with it for
their sake. As I tried to better myself, I surrounded myself with the people I love, focusing more
on myself and my education and being around my true friends and family often.
Fast forward to today, I am now in a good place and am surrounded by people I love and get
involved in a good community. It was not an easy journey for sure but you can do it too.
Isabella Purnadi is a Social Media Intern for Vision of Possibilities and is getting her Bachelors
Degree in Communication at the end of 2022. She is the first generation Indonesian-American
and she aims to advocate for young women to be comfortable in their own skin.
Visions of Possibilities is a 501(c)(3) non-profit edutainment organization that produces projects and performances that challenge audiences to live lives of unlimited possibility. For more information, visit visionsofpossibilities.org